Hello peoplefiends, as is compulsory for end of old year, start of a new – all sites should feature at least one awards ceremony or best of list. Who the fuck are we to buck that trend? Yes, roll out the red carpet, get your ballgown on as it’s time for The Great Mersey Remakes Awards Ceremony.
5. THE AWARD FOR THE GAME MOST LIKELY TO MOCK DISABLED DINOSAURS.
THE WINNAR! : BEN THERE DAN THAT (Zombie Cow)
The “Epic Comedy Adventure” (yes, I’m reading this off a card – that’s what’s done at awards ceremonies, right?) Ben There, Dan That! got its fair share of praise over the course of the year, probably due to it being really quite well done and at times piss funny. Probably the last thing anyone expected to see was Dinogate courtesy of one of the most curious reviews over the past 12 months in which Game Tunnel’s Russ Carrol accused Zombie Cow of mocking the afflicted by featuring a dinosaur with short arms. Bizarre stuff, but a brilliant story all the same.
RUNNER UP: BRAID (Number None)
Rabbits are dinosaurs, right? Fuck it, they are now.
4. GAME MOST LIKELY TO LOSE YOUR CURSOR
THE WINNAR!: RPAINTS (XBLACG)
You really haven’t lived until you’ve left a 4 year old at the hands of a controller, happily painting straight lines on the screen then boof! off disappears the cursor. Cue screams of “DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD” until the bleeding of the lugholes commenceth. A world of pain ensues. Forgiven? Never.
RUNNER UP: BRAID (Number None)
Did you see a cursor? Neither did I. Case rested yer ‘onour. It got sucked into a time vortex or something, no doubt.
3. GAME MOST LIKELY TO MAKE SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING STUPID
THE WINNAR! : WORLD OF GOO (2d Boy)
A close run category this with over 500 candidates vying for a position this year, but taking the lead by a wobbly tower is 2dBoy’s World Of Goo. Lots of very good, very nice and very sensible things were said about the really quite fantastic game itself, but the clusterfuckery of idiocy that followed the piracy figures beggared belief. A whole world of stupid emerged with nerds vying to prove their incredible statistical skills that they got taught at Slashdot school were more worthy than any research 2dBoy might have made. Laugh? We nearly shat. Nerds, we salute you. You’re great.
RUNNER UP: BRAID (Number None)
Oh fuck it, just pick any random review (with the exception of the right honourable Goring, obviously) and see for yourself.
2. THE AWARD FOR THE GAME THAT GAVE US “THE CLAW”
THE WINNAR!: BANGAI-O SPIRITS (Treasure)
My poor fucking aching hand, man. Sitting there at Birmingham Coach Station on the way back from the Eurogamer Expo, full of flu, absolutely knackered and some cunt keeps leaving the door open so that we all begin to freeze a freezy death yet still I’m sitting there playing Bangai-O Spirits despite knowing that it’ll make my hands hurt and they’ll be a claw in no time. It’s that fucking good. It also has fruit. Fruit is good.
RUNNER UP: BRAID (Number None)
World fucking one.
1. THE MERSEY REMAKES GAME OF THE YEAR AWARD
THE WINNAR!: QWOP (Foddy)
Seriously. Far and away the most shit yourself laughing fun I’ve had all year. The most mental concept for a game ever coupled with keyboard control straight out the backside of Satan. It should be categorically awful in every possible way, but somehow it manages to be amazingly great by virtue of being utterly and totally hilarious. QWOP is inspired. Go play it.
RUNNER UP: BRAID (Number None)
You seen this coming, right? But jesting aside, Braid is a wonderful game. It may have caused folks to say very silly things whilst stroking their chinfluff trying to sound incredibly smart, but Braid is in many, many ways an incredible piece of work. The intricate design, the beautiful graphics and an ending that stays with you long after you switch your 360 off. It’s due out on PC later in the year and I insist that you go, by it, play it and love it.
