Mutant Storm Empire
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If you ever wondered how people advertise a game with alleged old school gameplay (whatever the fuck that is) in this modern age, then for the most part you need look no further than Microsofts Xbox Live Arcade service for the Xbox360. A veritable haven of classic gameplay at cheap as chips prices (unless you have the misfortune to stumble upon one of the cunts charging 1200 points or taking the piss with massive amounts of downloadable content - Q? Entertainment prior to E4 I’m looking at you on both counts there).
If you spend just a few moments browsing the contents of Xbox.com’s Live Arcade section then you can amuse yourself for hours reading the bullet points (yes, I’ve got a bullet point fetish. I’m sorry, but I find them funny) as marketing executives struggle to wrap their head around selling what to my generation is the fundamental game archetypes (are you going for a job at Edge? - Ed). For the most part, I’m glad to report they don’t actually bother to put much effort in - they even manage to make Space Giraffe sound like the most boring game in the universe.
Enjoy the unique graphical appearance of each level due to the use of the Neon engine.
Wow, that sounds fascinating doesn’t it? No wait. The other one.
Truthfully though, I prefer the bland market speak to the absolute utter bullshit that accompanies Mutant Storm Empire.
The art of blasting: Practice the way of “Blastikkidoo” or the art of blasting, as you plow through the different worlds in Mutant Storm Empire. This all-new sequel to Mutant Storm Reloaded ratchets up the competitive challenge!
Christ. You see, here’s the thing. That write up, that one bullet point gratuitously stolen from its game page on Xbox.com is far more interesting and exciting than the game itself. Maybe there’s some sort of inverse law of reality at play here. Space Giraffe - bland bullet point, wild game. Mutant Storm Empire - wild bullet point, bland game. And it’s so very portal. Not “Portal” the game, instead those things that accumulate breakout clones whilst your back is turned.
If someone wants to give me a research grant, I’ll gladly take the time out to have a look into the shit bullet point/good game, exciting bullet point/shit game more in depth. In the meantime, I’m just going to complain about Pompom and Mutant Storm Empire a bit. So brace yourself.
Mutant Storm Empire, in case you’re a bit thicky - is the sequel to Pompoms early XBLA hit Mutant Storm Reloaded, itself a spiritual succesor to their age old PC Robotron steal Mutant Storm. Still with me? Good. Right, here’s the bad news. It’s a bit shit.
Actually, that’s probably unfair - because if you want real shit on XBLA then you can always inflict Yaris or Aegis Wing upon yourself. A pair of games that even at the grand price of zero pounds and zero pence are massively overpriced.
What Mutant Storm Empire is, more than anything, is uninspired and bland.
Unlike recent takes on the twin stick shooter genre, Geometry Wars, Everyday Shooter and their ilk - Mutant Storm Empire plays it safe. There’s no innovations to see here - you’ve seen every part of Mutant Storm Empire in other games, you’ve seen everything in other Pompom games for christs sake, which considering there’s only two and a half of those out there is a bit embarassing.
There’s obviously been a great deal of effort gone in to generating huge amounts of assets for the game, but none of that can mask the fact that the game itself is sorely lacking in the one crucial department it should be playing on.
It single handedly fails to excite.
Mutant Storm Empire is as dull as ditchwater, routine and mechanical. There’s no room for flare, little room for improvisation when most of the game is spent fighting off shitloads of enemies either spawning from generators or pouring out of doors in an incredibly routine manner broken up with the odd bit of dodging or the frequent mini-boss fights. Masses of enemies and big guys that take a ruck of hits feels like a lazy cop out design wise and makes for some serious lack of fun whilst enduring playing the game.
You neither feel that the score you’re getting matters or that any progress is truly worthwile as you’re sheparded through the different rooms in each zone. Despite the multitude of enemy designs desperately attempting to keep things fresh, when every attack follows such tried and tested patterns it rapidly becomes repetetive. As you go from room to room, you know within seconds precisely what is coming next. .
At best, you’ll find you have to run away a bit more to get some distance from the enemies, at worst - you’ll fall asleep with the mundanity of it all. The occasional scrolling Asteroids-levels where you’re enclosed between two beams of magical light of blue glowiness manage to completely avoid instilling any terror or fear of death in the player. Even the inclusion of the lacklustre combo system feels tagged on and an attempt at adding depth where there plainly isn’t any to be found.
Mutant Storm Empire gains the unceremonious honour of being the first game I couldn’t actually be arsed about the leaderboard for. No matter how hard I try, when the game seems like its just going through the motions with the player - it’s hard not to reciprocate the feeling. After all, why should I give a shit about the game, if the designers don’t give enough of a shit to make me care about it?
Essentially, they’ve taken the already dated Pompom take on Robotron and mixed it up with a poor mans Smash TV, bled the gameplay dry of any life, heart or soul and thrown it out the door, taking a shit on the beauty, clarity and brilliance of Eugene Jarvis’ original designs.
Sure, you could argue that if you’ve found a formula why not stick to it, but Empire takes it all too far with its rigid structure and bloodsucking from others past glories. It’s formulaic to its detriment.
Worryingly, there’s an option for downloadable content on the menu screen meaning that in all likelihood we haven’t seen the back of Mutant Storm Empire. I’d like to hope that perhaps the DLC could rescue the game at some point but I can’t shake the feeling that Pompom are one trick ponies and they’ve already flogged the poor pony within an inch of its life, kicked it around a bit, took scissors to its eyes, stapled its ears, set fire to its coat, beat it with a spade and then attempted to bury it alive wrapped in cheap carrier bags, all to the tune of UB40’s Greatest Hits.
To top it all off, Pompom appear to be bringing an unwelcome pester mentality to XBLA with their demo. Repeating the ultra fucking irritating trick also employed in Mutant Storm Reloaded by badgering you constantly to buy the game doesn’t win them any favours. With a system like XBLA where you don’t have to shout so loud to get heard, it’s ridiculous to employ tactics that have become an unfortunate part of PC shareware.
Here’s a clue, you don’t need to pester me. You have an entire weeks release window to yourself. I get the game delivered straight to my hard drive automatically. I’m going to play it. If I like it, I’ll buy it. I don’t need coercing into it. So fucking well behave yourselves, Pompom. There’s no call for the hard sell tactics at the end of every stage in the demo, it’s off putting and offensive given the nature of the delivery method and if anything is likely to turn me off buying the game.
It’s a shame that instead of moving the genre forward, Pompom have decided to stagnate. It’s an even bigger shame that they couldn’t even make the game fun to play.
As it stands, if Mutant Storm Empire were released on the PC, it would make an above average freeware game or a mediocre shareware game. On XBLA, where you’re reaching direct into peoples homes, it’s a wasted opportunity and a depressing waste of time, money and hard drive space.
Mutant Storm Empire: teaching the art of blastikkidon’t since 2007 (You’re sacked - Ed) , and definitely the kind of game you really don’t want to be encouraging, Indie or not.
Speak your brains
22 Responses to “Mutant Storm Empire”
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Even harsher than your quick review on RR. I guess it gets worse the more you play it!
It is a waste, with those art and programming resources at their disposal..
At that point, I’d only played the demo. I relented and picked up the full version after reading a fair few nice comments on the internet (I should have checked YakYak first :s)
I got through to World 4:2, which is a couple of stages shy of the finish.
To be honest, at that point - I didn’t want to see more of the game, I’d seen nothing new over the entire thing up until then, so I’m not hanging in there for a big reveal at the last couple of stages which in all likelihood, wasn’t going to happen or be enough to change my opinion of the game anyway.
Appropriately nasty write-up. Love it (the fantastic new site design too) and salute you!
(salutes)
I also love the new site design. I think this is the best it’s ever looked!
Ta Rich, Gnome - it’s a test run for the RR4 layout, figured I’d try it here where it doesn’t matter if I break anything before deploying it anywhere useful.
Still needs some tweaks - I’ve not looked into the sidebar yet which may be a pain, I’ll find out later.
But there you go, first look at how RR will look soon
It properly shits all over the dull remakes you churn out though, eh?
@Karma:
Lol!
a) Bob churn out remakes? I can’t think of three.
b) No, actually it’s quite a bit duller than most remakes, Bob’s or otherwise!
@9572AD
You’re telling me Mersey Remakes don’t churn stuff out?
Wow.
The irony here is that this is a review berating a game for not innovating enough by a bloke who makes other people’s games.
People in glass houses really shouldn’t be throwing this particular stone.
Is there anything more stagnant in gaming than taking somebody else’s IP in its entirety and simply adding new graphics? Does nobody else see the hypocrisy in the above review?
I’ve never known Bob to be a fan of simply tacking new graphics onto old games (nor is that what the majority of remakers do, anyhow), so no, hypocrisy not detected.
This particular stone is the game, on top of managing to make a tried-and-true formula non-fun, hasn’t even the slightest hint of novelty to save it. I’d venture anybody could say that, even if they make a point of enjoying things that are no longer novel.
And though its a bit pedantic, browsing their “catalog” I count 13 games Oddbob’s had a hand in over a period spanning at leat 5 years, of which at least a third are wee pisstakes, so, no, I don’t call that “churning them out”.
I can tell you with complete authority that I’m probably the last person you could accuse of churning stuff out, given my releases for the past two and a half years consists of approximately 2 mini games I was contracted for (only one a remake, fact fans), one silly mini one screen game and a few levels and design on JSWO. Given I’m also very self aware of how good/bad the games turned out - I’m massively more critical of my own work than I am of others and doubtlessly, more critical than anyone else could be of them.
So, hypocrisy - not really. Your argument seems to hinge on the fact that I’m automatically discounted from having an opinion of other peoples work because I happen to make the very occasional remake *and* host other peoples on my site.
Feel free to slate any of the games I’ve made, or any on the site. Really, I’m not above criticism in that department - in fact, I’d welcome some of it because y’know, it all helps me work out what works and what doesn’t in games. A subject I’m rather passionate/obsessive about.
Anyway, back to Mutant Storm Empire. The review is my considered opinion - I don’t pass comment with any more authority than the next person, but as a punter who paid for the game and found it lacking and disappointing. And if I, as a customer aren’t allowed to pass comment because of certain criteria - then where does the line get drawn on this?
Is it better than my work? Probably. That’s not even remotely relevant though. That’s like saying a white dog turd positively shines next to a big mound of horse shit.
You’d be about as likely to find me playing MSE as Wilf or Bobaroids, but G-Force craps all over MSE for fun, even if Bob didn’t invent the game. (Not that Pompom could reliably claim they invented MSE’s gameplay anyhow).
To be fair, I’m more likely to play MSE than those
You should have played it co-op before writing your review. In fact, you should have at least played the full single player game. Very unprofessional. Only Zero Punctuation can get away with that, because he’s funny.
Read for content or continue to fail at life.
Personally, I have no interest in knowing anything about the multiplayer version, except why people aren’t allowed to have an opinion on the single-player portion without playing it…
monoRAIL, does it change drastically from 4:2 onwards? Because it was pretty darn boring up until then, and I don’t see the point in pushing on with something that’s making me miserable when I could be having fun instead. I found a quick blast on Super Ox on Space Giraffe far more therapeutic.
At least that has the decency to make me laugh.
As for the Co-op, it doesn’t interest me. Still, glad someone can get some fun out of it somewhere.
No it doesn’t change much after stage 4-2, in fact, the final stage isn’t much good at all. I’m not disagreeing with your review, you can give it 1/10 if you like, that’s your opinion - however I dislike your method of review. It is not thorough. You complained about the nag screen in the demo, but that doesn’t appear in the full game. You complained about the possibility of extra content - that makes no sense at all, surely that is a good idea? You completely failed to mention that the game has multiplayer, never mind that you’re not interested in it.
I think mutant storm empires is a pretty good game, not very innovative, but entertaining enough. I’d score it around a 6 or 7 out of 10, and certainly worth 800 points, particularly if you like co-op shooters.
I give this review 2/10.
Nooo, anything but being OXM’d :p
With regards to the demo/nag screen stuff - I think it’s perfectly fair (mind you, I would ;)) to have a go at developers going overkill on the hard sell - ignoring the fact that it turned out I didn’t enjoy the game - I’m their target market. I like arena shooters, I’m old enough to remember Robotron in the arcades (just, mind), I keep my XBLA account stocked up with points so I can impulse purchase if I enjoy the demo.
Of course - it’s the job of the demo to sell the game to me. To drag a tired and tenuous analogy out of the bag - it’s the difference between someone politely offering you a piece of cake when you enter the supermarket and someone taking the cake, forcing your mouth open and shoving it right down your gullet screaming at you to buy it.
The last thing you want to do with a demo, obviously, is put off potential purchasers and going overboard on nags is a way to ensure that my stubborn “well, stuff you then” nature kicks in. If it weren’t for me giving the game the benefit of the doubt in the first place, they’d have plain lost a sale point blank.
Ok, so losing me as a sale isn’t going to impact greatly on their bottom line, but I’m pretty sure that I’m not unique or special in this regard. Better to make customers *want* to buy the game than scream “BUY ME” at every given opportunity. And especially given XBLA has little competition right now on a week for week basis, it’s madness to pull the hard sell. If at some point, say 12 months down the line, the place is cluttered with games and they need to gain the attention of the punter, if they have a really great demo that leaves you hanging and wanting more - it’s natural that you’ll click straight through. The nagging is completely unnecessary.
Moving swiftly on, I write about games because I actually like them, I have a stupidly encyclopedic memory bank for useless game information and heritage, so rather than keep it all in, I write about it here. Tis but an outlet for my brain.
When it comes to me approaching a review, I’m as absolutely thorough as I can tolerate. I’m *not* a professional, - this is just my corner of the web to sound off about things and/or say how much I like/dislike stuff. When someone starts paying me and it’s a full time job then and only then will I investigate every single nook and cranny of a game. Until then, I’ve only got so much time to spare for games and for writing, and I thought I’d waffled on more than enough as it was.
I’ve still put more words to a page than most mainstream magazines would bother with, and doubtlessly put more time into the game than a fair few do also (see OXM Space Giraffe-isms for reference).
Any passing reader only has to follow the link through to the game page I’ve linked to to see it has multiplayer. As it stands, it’s absolutely no interest to me - so I comment on the parts of the game I do care about. Also, factor in that most people on my friends list either have a similar opinion of the game to me or couldn’t care for arena shooters co-op or not - I’m not going to waste their time as well as mine checking something out I and they don’t or won’t care for.
Ultimately, my method of review is this: I play the game. I play it as much as time allows, and for as long as I can tolerate. In the case of say, Space Giraffe - I’m still playing it weeks after release. In the case of Mutant Storm Empire - I didn’t have the will to load it up ever again for even a two minute blast and completely regretted splashing out the points on it. So no, I won’t put myself through that any further when there’s a thousand and one things I could be doing and enjoying myself with.
And the DLC, yes, that’s a glimmer of hope. But more of the same is going to be absolutely no use to me, and if, as I said - Mutant Storm Empire is anything to go then I don’t hold out much of that there hope for the DLC being anything different. If over 4 worlds and the entire development period of the game they can do little to mix the game up a bit instead of repeating the same attack patterns ad infinitum but with reskinned enemies then I can’t see them straying far from that for the DLC.
For those who enjoy the game as is, then any extra content is welcomed I’m sure. For folks like me who wanted to enjoy the game and feel let down, it’s going to take some serious work to convince us that the DLC is worth bothering with.
If they do pull a blinder out the bag, and the DLC is interesting - I’ll be all over it like a shot. I’ll be incredibly wary of diving straight in though simply because MSE leaves me with the nagging feeling that Pompom have shot their load on Space Tripper and Mutant Storm all those years ago and have either ran flat out of ideas or are just treading water.
Anyway, I thank you for your comments regardless of differing opinions. I do find it enjoyable to discuss things with those on t’other side of the opinion fence from mine, so it’s appreciated. (Even if you do give me 2/10 ;))
This has taught me an important life lesson:
Never have an opinion anywhere near any reasonably popular Web site. It’s just too much hassle.
We must be wrong. Edge has given MSE a score of 8/10..
I think you’ll find it’s Edge that is wrong.
However, one thing MSE is…
5 zillion times better than Undertow. A game so bad I can’t even muster up the effort to call it shit properly.
I thought Edge was never wrong!
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