Earth Defence Force 2017 (360)

Posted by oddbob on January 22, 2008 · Lovingly Filed Under Reviews 
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Earth Defence Force 2017

You know the problem with a lot of games, dear readers? They go out of their way to pretend they’re not actually games.

Whilst budgets soar into the stratosphere, sandbox worlds to play around in get bigger, plots get thicker and more complex and developers stroke their beards figuring out the best ways to utilise every single button on the controller, whilst they ponder whether the budget can stretch to getting Patrick Stewart in to narrate whilst the player cubs rats indiscriminately or whether they’ll have to get David Duchovney in again for 50p and a Crunchie Bar, with the emphasis firmly placed on creating artificial worlds to immerse yourself within it’s easy to forget the roots of gaming.

Now, I’m one for a fine story as much as the next man. Sometimes I want to lose myself in a game world, perhaps explore an underwater kingdom such as Rapture, perhaps put myself in the shoes of a silent scientist mishandling a crowbar. I know some of you readers even enjoy pretending to be a Level 28 Orc (bless your souls) but sometimes, y’know - I just want to have some fun. Like gaming used to be before we lost track of what’s really important.

If I were to write down the things you’ll see in EDF on paper, it sounds epic. A giant alien mothership hovers over a Japanese city, unleashing hordes of giant insects, robots taller than buildings, dropships hover over the skyline as masses of spacecraft swarm amongst the clouds devastating the surrounding cityscape, cyborg creatures stomp amongst tower blocks their metal feet rocking the Earth below. It all sounds oh so terribly exciting doesn’t it? Well, it is. Very much so.

There’s a catch, of course. Sandlot Games (the developers) evidently didn’t even have enough money or stray chocolate lying around amongst their production budget to even afford David Duchovney. Rather than wallow in low budget hell, they’ve played to their strengths and created one of the silliest, most hilarious and crucially fun gaming experiences one could ask for. And at a stupidly low price too. EDF 2017 is the epitomy of a b-game and it’s all the better for it.

The genius of EDF lies in not what it doesn’t or can’t do - you could form a list a mile long of wonky “features” within the game, but if you’re the sort of person who dwells upon perfection within a game world, requires things to interact as though they would in the real world or to make even the remotest bit of logical sense - I suggest you stop reading now because EDF is obviously your worst nightmare. The AI would politely be called dumb, the physics laughable (no, really laughable - not in a metaphorical sense), the plot verging on non-existent, the camera cuts off at points in the game to focus on action elsewhere but leaves the player completely in control of everything but the camera, there are times when things slow to a crawl, the items left lying around by the alien swarms are 2d within a 3d world… yet, there isn’t a point in the game where you’ll want to stop playing because of them. If you really can’t cope with its quirks, I humbly suggest that you are, to all intents and purposes, dead inside.

Earth Defence Force 2017

EDF is fun with a capital FUCK YEAH. It’s the Spinal Tap of gaming, the sort of game where ten is just never enough, it always has to be one louder. Why bother having the player attacked by five enemies when you can throw one hundred at them? Explosions? EDF has them by the bucket full, so much so that at times it feels like being at the epicentre of a nuclear blast. Everything in EDF is big and incredibly silly.

Giant ants? Check. Giant bouncing spiders? Check. Big fuck off motherfucking big robots with big fuck off motherfucking big lasers? Check. Big motherfucking mothership with more lasers than you’ve ever seen before in your life? Check. Big fuck off mecha-Godzilla beast with a big fuck off tail? Check.

Weapons? EDF has around one hundred and eighty of the things! We got guns, big motherfucking guns, guns that spit acid, guns that roast the enemies to the core, shotguns, grenades, grenade launchers, rocket launchers, multiple rocket launchers,turrets, bombs, sniper rifles - you name it, we got it.

Tired of going on foot? How about a helicopter? Tank? Airbike with a machine gun? Mech suit with lots of motherfucking guns? Sir can take his pick.

You may think that perhaps the developers are compensating for something, given everything in the game is big - and you’d be right. They’re compensating for 30 years of gradually sucking the life and the fun out of gaming by bringing it back in spades. Big spades. Big motherfucking spades, at that.

Earth Defence Force 2017 is the bastard spawn of Robotron, Rampage, Serious Sam, Independence Day, Starship Troopers, Terminator and fuck knows what else and by the time you reach the Mothership to bring the son of a bitch down, you’ll have mown down thousands upon thousands of enemies in a sea of green goo and massive explosions. You’ll have smiled so hard your face will hurt, and then you’ll get down to business of trying to see through the masses of lasers to save the Earth from this alien menace the EDF have called “Ravagers”. And when you’re done, you’ll want to go back and do it all over again - because it doesn’t stop being fun.

EDF is a very silly game. It’s also glorious. More games should be like EDF.

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