Antidisestablishmentarianismgochgochgoch

Posted by oddbob on June 21, 2008 · Lovingly Filed Under Articles 
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Braid

Still on a “shit journalism” trip, I found myself wandering over to Next-Gen, the online home of the ever flowery worded Edge magazine this afternoon. I know I should know better considering it’s really not something I enjoy but having drifted over to David Hellman’s site this afternoon to see what go on in the world of Braid I was teased away by an Edge preview of the game.

Here is what I’ve learnt from an entire 483 word preview. There’s a game called Braid, it has platform bits and some Mario-esque homages, it’s pretty and… well, nothing else. I know previews aren’t exactly reveal-me-do at the best of times, but four hundred and eighty three words of flowery nonsense isn’t exactly my idea of anything other than a complete and total waste of my time and sucks space out of the internet that could have been used for something more constructive. Like a LOLCat or something.

At least once a year, usually due to Asda having nothing else in stock, I’ll pick up a copy of Edge and it’s a wholly depressing read. Anonymous reviews aside, there comes a point when writing about games where you have to pause and assess just how much substance is crammed in amongst all the big words. With Edge, more often than not - it’s very little indeed. Take this quote from the Braid preview as an example:

“The images that result from the jigsaws are graphic extensions of a somewhat overwrought story about love, longing and second chances – for which Braid’s time-reversal gameplay acts as a fanciful and tenuous metaphor. The impressionistic narrative is touching, but the sophomoric manner in which it is written makes you glad it’s relegated to a largely optional chin-stroking meta-text.”

If only someone had removed the chin-stroking big words where small words would suffice it might actually have some meaning. As it stands, the article is a 483 word exercise in tedium and nonsense and that quote conveys very little in too many words. When George Orwell wrote Rule 6 in Politics and the English Language, I really don’t think this was what he had in mind.

Surely the job of a preview piece is to get me interested in a title, or at the very least to provide an in progress report of how a title is shaping up? The Edge piece does nothing but sap my very will to live. There’s nothing that makes me care for the game, nothing that helps me form an opinion on it beyond the screenshots which we already know look nice. It completely fails to do anything of worth other than take up page space.

The reviews tend to fare just as badly. It seems that somewhere down the line someone has mistaken vomiting up a thesaurus with good journalism. I refer once more to Orwell, this time to rule 2: “Never use a long word where a short one will do”. It’s very easy to waffle on about the sophomoric meta-textual nature of the underlying story but it conveys nothing of worth to the reader. Words for the sake of words. And yet this magazine is the flagship for the industry. There’s something seriously wrong here.

Perhaps it’s the lack of saying anything useful that makes Edge so successful.  I’m sure there are great swathes of the industry that prefer a lot of big words and pretty pictures over anything of use. It’s a marketing wet dream. On first glance it may appear to have something deep and profound lying in wait for the reader but on anything more than a cursory glance it all falls apart into nothing.

There’s no depth of critical analysis lying in wait, just big words, game names and some sharp design work. I’ve seen the style infiltrate certain quarters of reviewing sites. A few weeks ago I stumbled onto British Gaming following links off willy nilly as is my want and came across this preview of Mirror’s Edge.

“a game so heavily centred on fluidity of movement that strays from the predictable shackles of third person to create a game intensely visceral that demands you to grab the controller”

I’m British and *I* need a translator for that.

For all my moaning though, I’d still prefer an Edge preview over the SHOCK HEADLINE/PRESS RELEASE format certain media outlets take, but please people, if you’re sitting down and writing a review or a preview of a game do me this one small favour.

Make sure it’s readable and actually tells me something. All the flowery words in the world can’t replace decent critical opinion.

Big words don’t make you sound clever. You’d be wise to remember that…

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Speak your brains

4 Responses to “Antidisestablishmentarianismgochgochgoch”

  1. tim on June 22nd, 2008 5:47 pm

    I don’t know how these journalists do it. I can’t even muster the energy to finish a comment, let alone write an entire arti

  2. Oddbob on June 22nd, 2008 7:04 pm

    I know how you fe

  3. the2bears on June 24th, 2008 6:06 am

    ditt

  4. tim on June 26th, 2008 10:32 pm

    I d

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