…by Robert Fearon aged 34 3/4.
So, as mentioned a few weeks back Mrs Bob bought me an iPod for getting through the past 18 months with my sanity intact. No mean feat, that.
Obviously, I’ve picked up a fair few games given that I can choose to forgo a Mars Bar and have one whole game instead (and there’s a fair smattering of stuff that went free for a short time too). What follows are my immediate and unfiltered thoughts as posted on RR in quickfire form.
Brainpipe Turn tilt off and it’s a fabulous port of one of my favouritiest games.
Pacman:CE – more fully featured than the XBLA version. Wos that about?
Dropship – nice if a little touchy for my cludgey lumpen fingers. Could do without the odd-o-matic 3d though.
Bejewelled 2 – SHUT UP AT THE BACK
Juggle – Fabulous. Simple but lovely.
Magnetic Shaving Derby – Amazing, naturally enough.
Skullpogo – fucking awesome of awesomes. My fave right now.
Tumbledrop – It’s lovely, but I already knew that.
Eliss – every bit as nice as I expected and nice to play something that’s so hung around being touch-able. Probably the most iDevice game I’ve played so far.
Fruit Ninja – cheap and slashy but great in short blasts. Which is pretty much what I wanted.
Enviro Bear – just because.
Saucelifter – natch.
Lilt Line – need to spend more time with this but I like what I’ve played so far and the audio is fabulous.
Cube Runner – it’s free, it’s Deathchase but with cubes.
Radiant – not bad-ish. Too slow to be really enjoyable.
Noiz2sa Free – obviously.
Pix n Rush – fuck off with the onscreen controls.
Canabalt – Oh, I was putting this off because I already love the Flash version. It’s *so* right on the iPod. I lost hours. I should have been sleeping. FUCK YOU SALTSMAN.
Starry Eye – looks lovely crazy vector stuff. Shit controls make shit game.
Doodle Jump – I had to see what the fuss was all about. It’s alreet. Definitely 59p’s worth of entertainment though.
Minimalist Shooter – could do with a bit more feedback but yeah, it’s nice.
Wooly Racers – A slightly shonkier version of PSN’s PixelJunk Racers. Worth a gander. Pretty shameless again but hey ho.
rRootage Free – obviously.
Jelly Car – ‘cos I liked the XNA version.
Flight Control – sorry, where did my time just disappear to?
Tilt To Live – I can’t be bothered holding my iPod in one position, sorry.
Bit Pilot – Very nice dodgy thing. I like.
Shibuya – Shit achievement system. Great game.
NobyNobyBoy – Hours. Lost. Pdoing!
Heliocycle – I’m trying to play this without flinging my iPod across the room by accident. Excellent.
Tap Runner – because I fucking loved the Wii version. It’s still ace on the iThang too. The true successor to all button twatting racey games.
Tomena Sanner – see above. Lobo’s take still shits on it though.
Squareball – bitching hard but lovely thing indeed.
Dead Runner – Tilty Deathchase. Picked up after Chris Donlan’s article on Edge, not regretted either.
Mega Worm – not a patch on the game it’s nicking from but still alright for 59p.
Mr Space – Mr Ace amirite?
Minima – bonkers LED collect-em-up-racer thing. Very silly but also very, very cool.
Gravity Lander – it’s Tumbledrop gone Soviet Space Era. Yes. Just that.
Grav Runner – is shit.
Just Half – it was free, alright? Erm. Yeah. It’s free. That’s the best thing I can say about that.
Magic Kui – a bit rubbish attempt at Tohou
Cut Him Up – slightly shit attempt at a Madworld styled beat-em-up that’s slightly shit.
Pong 72 – does wot it sez on the tin. Was also free. Has a nice Juggle-esque mode for amusement purposes.
Bumps – I have a soft spot for the PC version even if it is a bit rubbish really. Same applies to this version.
Aerolite – was free. They should pay me, really.
Tunnel Shoot – pretty but no Brainpipe, y’know?
Doomsday- a bit gratuitous but fairly good take on Doom really.
Buganoids – not really suited to the iPhingy
Flick & Dodge – yeah, anyway, moving swiftly on…
Wild Gunmen – pew pew quickdraw stuff that has the most nonsensical on screen instructions bar none.
Void – a
Monster’s Valley – fucking wonderful.
Chuzzle – I HAVE LOST MY IPOD TO MY WIFE
Critter Crunch – Excellent, cute, annoying as fuck tutorials between early stages.
Tappi Bear All In One – I am the saddest bastard on the planet but I love this.
Geometry Wars – Much better than I expected. Could do with some scroll give on the sticks but good stuff. Eats batteries for breakfast though.
Squares – It’s Squares2. On an iPhunk. Amazing.
Finger Sling – why do I like this? It’s shit. Yet it’s compulsive shit.
Dropophone – It’s Lullatone and it’s free. <3
Bloom – Make your own Music For Airports. I know no-one else would want it but I fucking love it to bits.
Inkstrumental – yes, it is.
Radarhead – Fabulous retro-styled music twiddly thing. A bit bonkers but the sort of thing that makes me want an iPad to run it in big-o-vision
UFO on tape – translates really well to the iPlop. Fucking hard though.
geoFighter LIGHT LIMPET LICKETYSPLIT OR WHATEVER – WHO SAID THIS WAS BETTER THAN GEOMETRY WARS? Whoever it was, line the fuckers up and have them shot.
Duke3d – The holy fuckedcontrolsenade.
Horizons – triangle twiddling ambient app. Again, file under no-one else would want it but I like it so nerr.
SketchNation Shootything whose full name I can’t remember – nice idea, bland-o-matic though.
CS.One – It’s shit. Cumbersome, instadeath from stuff flying in from offscreen shooting straight at you, strip away the pretties and you’re left with a really, really crap arena shooter.
LilRacers – awkward controls but nice Micro-Machinesy thing once you get past them.
Splode – EveryExtend done wrong, I think. Got bored within 5 seconds. May not be accurate.
Aftermath – alrighty zombie blasty thing. Nowt special and very PS1 but yeah, alright.
Solomon’s Boneyard – couldn’t be arsed. It was free and nothing about it holds my attention for even 5 seconds.
Galaxy On Fire – someone set the author on fire. Hahaha, I kill me.
Spider – no, I don’t get it. It just seems to be awkward to control and not really my bag at all. Looks purdy though. Maybe if it had lasers?
Vectron – fairly reasonable shooter.
Galaxart – proof that I’ll grab any old shit if it’s free. And boy, it’s shit. Nice idea (draw your own galaxies), menu city maketh no funneth.
iSpeakAndSpell – I make my iPod say “tits” and “minge” in a computerised voice. I am the king of the world.
Insightful stuff, eh?