Somedays I don’t know why I stay.

The past week has been ‘one of those weeks’ in videogames again where every day seems to bring another piece of videogame sewage to the surface. It happens. It happens often in videogames.

For the past year or so, it happens with alarming regularity. A dude did what? Another dude did a huh? Whyyyyyy? I guess it helps when there’s a shitwagon you can attach yourself to. Makes it easier or something.

I used to joke about folks deviating from a non existant schedule. No, Monday is review scores not Wednesday. Oh man, I can’t believe you’re doing Games As Art on a Thursday, that’s Tuesday morning. I sort of miss those days a bit.

Ah, who am I kidding? I don’t.

It was always the worst part of being in games. Those circular, neverending, never solved discussions. I’m sure your personal definition of indie is lovely and all that but nah.

Weeks like this I struggle with sticking around. I just wanted to flash lights at myself, y’know? Not find my hobby, my workplace, a battleground where friends and peers get hurt on the regular. Watching accounts flick their locks, watching folks go quiet or disappear. I’d say it’s a waste but it’s not, it’s a loss. It’s videogames’ loss. Folks can go and be cool elsewhere, somewhere that values them. It’s videogames that doesn’t benefit.

The reasons I do stay aren’t so strange though. I’m proud of the work I do. Not all of it, this month I pulled an entire article because in the cold light of morning I thought ‘that’s just being a nob’. Mainly though. Mainly. I think I write pretty cool games too. I’m still so happy with how new-DRM turned out.

But Jonathan gets it more right. There’s good people to anchor you here. Sometimes it’s easy to forget but really, that’s why I stay. I know there’s good people elsewhere too because I’ve not spent my entire life solely tied to videogames so yeah, it’s cool, acknowledged.

Just that for every one dude setting up a one man shitshow sideshow there’s someone taking the time out to help someone get by. There’s someone writing up their experience in the hope it’ll help someone else. There’s someone saying kind words.

I’m fortunate to be surrounded by folks like that when it comes to doing what I do. Technically I’m a solo dev but everything I do is on the shoulders of others. Mike’s music, Ste’s art, Andy’s code or whatever. They’ve all lifted me, lifted my work up and I’m grateful. All the folks on RR who’ve supported me for fifteen years now, who listen to my long, long moans and offer words of comfort when I’m down, support when I’m riding a wave and offer criticism when someone needs to do just that. Every daft comment in my Twitter feed. I have a great Twitter feed these days in the main.

Providing you ignore the ‘wot the bad men did’ talk, obv. Well, I don’t ignore it, I kinda file it. Just sometimes it comes on blast and oh man.

And yeah, Pat’s not bad either, I’ll give Jonathan that too. A solid 7/10 if ever there was one.

Amidst the bang and the clatter of life in videogames, it’s easy to forget all the cool folk, the inspirational folk who aren’t shit or shitty. It’s easy to take them for granted too because they’re sorta just there, not being shitty.

I like those folk, I’m grateful for those folk. I understand it’s a balance and if the balance is off, just walk. No point sticking around if it makes you unhappy.

For me though, I’m happy here most of the time. I’m happy because there’s cool people to be happy with. And because making videogames is sorta OK, I guess.

Most of the time.